The One Thing Christian Girls Desire In A Guy/Future Spouse
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalms 37:4
Wow - it’s a beautiful thing to know that God promises to give you your heart’s desires. When our desires align with God’s desires for us, it’s a match made in Heaven. God knows His daughters better than anyone and He knows what will fulfil us in the long term, so we can be sure to trust Him. What is it that you desire in your future spouse?
For the longest time, God has placed this question on my heart and after wrestling with it, I’ve figured that there’s one main thing I truly desire. It’s something that separates the wheat from the chaff. The one thing I desire in a man is conviction.
Let me explain. The definition of conviction is to hold a firm belief or opinion. You see, I don’t want a man who claims to be “Christian” but is lukewarm in certain aspects of his faith. I want a man that perseveres in his faith and endures through trials and temptation. I want a man that not only strives to love God but strives to honour Him with his body.
Yet, the reason why these men are so rare is because a lot of Christian men tend to blend in with the crowd, instead of living lives of holiness and purity. There’s a difference between someone who is convicted to live a life of chastity and there’s a difference between someone who is tiptoeing around temptation.
The choice to save sex for marriage shouldn’t be something that is conditional. It should be a goal that is kept constant. Some men claim that if they met the "right" person they would save sex for marriage. As tempting as it seems to trust them, someone who says something like that is neither committed or convicted to save sex for marriage. If you desire a man who is convicted in his faith, you'll soon realise that a choice like that should not change depending on whether he is in a relationship with you or with someone else. Don't settle for anyone who will just tolerate your relationship with God.
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honour - not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” — 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Chastity is worth suffering for. Our world needs men with conviction. The Church needs virtuous husbands like St Joseph, who don’t walk out when things get tough, but will fight for what they love and pursue what is good, true and beautiful. Women deserve husbands who will be obedient to God’s will in their life; who will pursue the spouse God has for them and will not be afraid to initiate love.
“When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.” — Matthew 1:24
Our world needs father-figures like St Joseph who will protect and nurture their children. Every boy should be able to look to his father to understand what it means to be a man. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. In a flawed world, made undone by original sin, we desperately need fathers who will take responsibility, who won’t leave their children fatherless but will strive to have a strong presence in their children’s lives.
"When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up," he said, "take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him." — Matthew 2:13
I don’t think we appreciate how instrumental as a father-figure Joseph was in protecting Jesus. The distance from Nazareth to Bethlehem was around 80 miles and then the distance from Bethlehem to the border of Egypt was another 40 miles. To walk from place to place must have been tough and yet, despite this and without hesitation, Joseph was obedient to God in every step of the way. The walk to Egypt was like walking into unknown pagan territory; not only would the terrain have been rough and the heat intense, there would have also been many dangers along the way. Yet, St Joseph was an honourable man who followed the conviction God had placed on his heart and as a result, Mary would have felt secure in his arms.
Thank God for St Joseph. We need more men who will imitate St Joseph in chastity and purity. St Joseph was a man of conviction and that is why he was such an honourable spouse and father-figure. Everything flowed from that conviction.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
As believers, we need to pray for strength to guard our hearts and for strength to be able to say “no” to a man who is unqualified and “yes” to a man who is worthy of the responsibility of being a lover and a father. A man worthy of your time will not make you compromise your faith or morals and he certainly won’t leave you second-guessing his intentions. Men of conviction are goal-oriented and will be intentional when it comes to dating and pursuing godly women.
Don’t settle because you think your standards are too high - that’s only in comparison to the world’s standards which are too low. Men with conviction do exist. I know many Christ-centred relationships which are so beautiful because they knew it would take two faithful people, convicted by God’s Word to strive for holiness and purity and resist temptation.
God is asking for us to be persistent in prayer, to keep on asking and seeking until He opens up the right relationships for us. Remember, godly guys aren’t perfect, they will mess up and that’s why they also need God’s grace to flow in their lives. We need to pray that God will convict men to follow Him diligently.
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." — Matthew 7:7-8
Before we can love the gift of our future spouse properly, we have to love the giver of that gift. Instead of intending to stay pure for our future spouse, we should intend to stay pure out of our love for God. If you are single and feel that ache and longing to know your future spouse, cling to Jesus and allow Him to satisfy your thirst for relationship.
In the same way that God prunes us in our season of singleness, pray to God to prune your future spouse. Make your desires known to God and He will take the time to prepare your future spouse for you. It takes patience to cultivate godly relationships, so instead of waiting around for your future spouse, nourish the relationships you do have now, especially your relationship with the Lord.
“O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you.” — Psalms 63:1