How Far Is Too Far?
Everyone seems to be asking this question but no one seems to have a good enough answer to it. It’s vital that if we want healthy relationships, we set ourselves firm boundaries, to protect ourselves from the things that may hurt us if we cross them. It’s important that we establish these boundaries before the boundaries start establishing us, so that we may be able to “Guard our hearts” fully – in all physical, emotional and spiritual ways. (Proverbs 4:23)
Physical: When we mention boundaries, we mainly think of maintaining physical purity. The Bible says to “Flee from sexual immorality” – because the reason physical intimacy can become so damaging, is when soul-ties are formed and we violate our bodies which are “Temples of the Holy Spirit”. When we give ourselves too much physically to other people, we let unqualified people destroy the sacredness of our bodies.
The reason God is a Good Good Father, is because he created boundaries for sex because he knew that the gift of sex is something incredibly powerful, that in the right context it is beautiful, but beyond that context of marriage it can become destructive and damaging. Sex is like fire, that within the capacity of a house, it can warm it up and give comfort, but beyond its capacity, such as in an open forest, it can lead to horrendous forest fires.
If we’re asking the question: How Far Is Too Far - we should ask the question are we glorifiying God and is it wise? If you feel like Adam & Eve, that you need to hide yourself because of what you are doing, it is likely too far.
Emotional: Setting emotional boundaries are equally as important as physical boundaries. The reason I say this, is because when you are dating, you are not married – therefore, you need to treat the other person as either your brother/sister in Christ.
I know that for us girls, we can get carried away and start planning futures together, talking about kids and baby names but when the relationship is pre-mature, you're essentially giving that person a taste of your desires and dreams. It can be emotionally crushing, if God decides to take that relationship somewhere completely different to what you initially planned together, since there was once this deep emotional attachment.
Therefore, when you "Guard your heart" emotionally, you don’t need to share everything with the other person because they are not your spouse. Yes communication is vital, but time is also absolutely essential for a relationship. There’s a depth that cannot be reached without the gift of time. Letting the relationship become more mature than it actually is can be heart-breaking when circumstances change.
Spiritual: When you are dating, you are still single. As individuals, we need to be fully grounded with our relationship with God. When we set up spiritual boundaries, we are ultimately preserving the one relationship that you can 100% put all your trust in – that is with God. A broken heart is bad enough, but a broken spirit is worse.
Prayer is a time where we can be spiritually intimate and transparent with God. If we do not have these boundaries, we can allow the other person to take precedence above God. If the relationship fails to work out, what often happens is that we tend to lose our faith in God. Yes, you can pray for your partner but your relationship with God should not revolve around your partner... and definitely don't flirt to convert - that never works!
Tips On Setting Boundaries:
- Pray & Ask God To Place These Boundaries On Your Heart
- Write Them Down & Get A Friend To Keep You Accountable
- Do Not Try To Push Your Boundaries - They Will Snap
- Set Them Straight With Your Partners Before Your Boundaries Set You
If this helped you on your walk of faith, please share it with your friends and family :)